After her spouse revealed he was homosexual, she shed tears during her commute to work for several months.
Every morning, Jessica Turner would slide into her silver minivan and, amidst tears, converse with her friend Ann Voskamp all the way to her workplace.
Turner concluded with a hang-up, applied her makeup inside the minivan, spent the entire day working at Vanderbilt University Medical Center’s marketing division, and finally headed home to look after her trio of small children.
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She was clinging on by a fingernail,” remarked her long-time friend Angie Smith, “struggling to keep up appearances amid the chaos they were experiencing.
Almost half a decade later, Turner — who has become a dedicated influencer and writer —
144,000 Instagram
followers – is single after getting divorced, maintains an excellent friendship with her former spouse and shares parenting duties in a manner that has resonated deeply with many people.
In November, Turner
posted a video
Of her and the kids presenting their father, Matthew Turner—a bestselling Christian children’s book author—50 cards for his 50th birthday.
The video became extremely popular, amassing over 11 million views to date.
“What a tribute both to him and to you,” California-based realtor Vanessa McCoy commented under the video post.
Picking love, despite potential pain, is always the right choice. There isn’t a more important lesson to teach your children than showing them what it means to unconditionally love and accept others, while also being true to yourself. ❤️
Matthew Turner expressed his amazement at the overwhelming response—and by how his former wife’s poise motivated everyone.
“I don’t believe everyone can maintain this type of relationship after a divorce. However, it’s great that we manage to handle things differently, with kindness, love, and affection towards one another,” he stated.
She alone was capable of turning this into a reality due to her kindness and genuine goodness as a person.
Currently, both parents spend time with their children every single day of the week. Additionally, they jointly observe holidays and also go on family vacations together with their kids.
However, that apparently seamless relationship actually required substantial effort. The path toward achieving this status was marked by considerable pain, many tears, and significant exertion as they transitioned from being spouses to becoming friends and joint parents.
They were incredibly lovesick, ‘it was nauseating.’
The adventure began in 2003 when Jessica Turner was a 20-year-old university student from Wisconsin. She was set to go to Nashville for an internship at a Christian music company.
Turner contacted the 29-year-old editor of CCM Magazine, also named Matthew Turner, via AOL Messenger to network with someone prominent before his internship. The innocent nature of her initial message evolved into playful exchanges, resulting in regular phone conversations—and eventually, he invited her to accompany him to the Dove Awards in Nashville.
“That seemed like a huge accomplishment,”Jessica Turner stated. “I’m heading to the GMA Dove Awards!”
She was even more thrilled at the prospect of meeting Matthew Turner, and approximately five months following that intense weekend in April 2003, he traveled to Madison, Wisconsin, where he proposed to her in her dormitory room.
Matthew and I were incredibly lovesick; it was almost too much,” Jessica Turner remarked with a laugh. “Anyone who saw us could say we were thrilled about every little thing, and honestly, it was fantastic.
She embarked on a journey in public relations and initiated an online platform for sharing motherly guidance. Meanwhile, he launched a forward-thinking Christian blog titled “Jesus Needs New PR,” which later led him to authoring children’s literature. In 2007, they decided to start their own family.
Jessica Turner mentioned that after ten years and having three children, she and her husband began to grow somewhat distant from each other. She believed this change was due to something about herself at the time.
She stated, ‘I enjoy being in charge and have always strived for greatness.’ She added, ‘My expectation was that our marriage would be exceptional and withstand every challenge.’
Meanwhile, Matthew Turner was grappling with generations of expectations imposed by his fundamentalist family.
“In my upbringing, discussing homosexuality was taboo,” Matthew Turner stated.
He didn’t share this with his wife.
Therefore, once they started attending couple’s therapy, Matthew Turner decided to take somewhat of a step forward by confessing to her that he identifies as bisexual.
“I felt puzzled,”Jessica Turner stated, especially since the pair continued to have physical intimacy during their entire marriage.
I wasn’t sure how to handle this situation. Is it possible for us to thrive in a mixed orientation marriage?
Approximately five months afterward, he mentioned that he identified as gay, expressing that he cared for her and the children deeply but wasn’t interested in getting a divorce.
This initiated an excruciating eight-month period of attempting to determine how their relationship would proceed. They wrestled with whether to remain married or divorce. Should they decide on separation, they needed to establish the dynamics of co-parenting.
She mentioned, ‘We continued to sleep in the same bed, and I would pray, “God, please return him.”’
During her strolls around the area, Jessica Turner came across a rental house within walking distance, which turned out to be the tipping point for their separation. Should her children have to spend time apart from her, she hoped they would at least remain only a brief 90-second car ride away.
Tough questions
In June 2020, they leased the house and about a week afterward chose to inform their children—aged 5, 8, and 11 at the time—that their parents would be separating.
I recall feeling anxious that morning, I recollect asking the children to come down, I remember Matthew informing them, and I recall stating that Mommy and Daddy are going through a divorce.
The entire group shed tears, and the children started asking questions, many of which were quite challenging.
“Why did you choose to marry Mommy even though you’re gay?” their daughter questioned.
The period was incredibly sorrowful,”Jessica Turner stated. “My tears flowed like vast seas.
The Turners kept up with their individual therapy sessions, and the initial year was exceptionally difficult.
His youngest kept asking his mom, “Why can’t you and dad reconcile?”
“At first, hearing those questions was quite distressing. However, I’ve had much more time to come to terms with this situation compared to my children,” Jessica Turner stated.
Since they were both well-known personalities, she decided to announce their divorce publicly along with the reasons behind it. She asked her spouse to disclose on social media that he was homosexual, believing these disclosures would help ease the transition for all parties involved, including their children, over time.
Matthew Turner stated, “That frightened me.” However, he consented to it since he had faith in Jessica and wished for her to possess the ability to communicate openly and honestly both with her audience and those featured in her narrative.
The pair experienced an outpouring of online support and affection—along with some backlash.
Jessica Turner mentioned, “That online hatred includes statements like, ‘Matthew deceived you,’ ‘Your marriage was fake,’ and ‘How could you be so foolish?'”
The pair invested considerable time pondering their approach to co-parenting and realized they strongly disliked the animosity often seen between numerous separated couples. They were determined to take a different path and implement various changes.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Turner desired daily visits with their children. They also wished to celebrate holidays jointly with them. Therefore, they managed to arrange everything accordingly.
The distribution is 60-40 between them; they also divide the weeks accordingly.
Every parent takes part in transporting at least one child to or from school each weekday. The entire Turner family gathers for dinner at least two times per week. Regardless of which parent has custody on any given day, both contribute to driving the children to their sporting events and various activities.
Leading with love
Boundaries also play a role: they included a provision in their divorce settlement, developed with assistance from just one mediator, stating that overnight stays of anyone they start dating are not allowed when the children are present unless the individual has been part of their life for at least half a year and the kids have had the chance to meet this person.
Both parents concur on and implement identical rules across their homes, covering everything from screen time limits to disciplinary actions and bedtime schedules; however, they make an exception for Pop Tarts. The mother’s residence prohibits these treats, whereas the father’s place allows them freely.
Talking aids as well.Jessica and Matthew Turner converse multiple times daily.Sometimes their discussions revolve around the children,while at other moments they simply exchange information regarding their jobs,popular culture,or even romance.
It’s surprising to witness how much consideration they show for one another compared to many married couples,” remarked Courtney O’Daniel, who isJessica Turner’s friend and ex-Vanderbilt coworker. “It really stands out.
The mom, dad, and their two eldest children maintain a group chat where nearly every morning begins with Matthew Turner posting his Wordle result.
Jessica Turner began sharing ideas and demonstrating the importance of leading with love and compassion.
She stated, ‘It was the most beneficial outcome for me, my children, and our neighborhood.’ She continued, ‘Regardless of whether it’s through media influence or upbringing, society often believes that the sole options are rage or animosity. But what positive result comes from those emotions? There exists an alternative approach.’
She stated, ‘The man I loved went through torment, and some essence was missing.’ But when Matthew found the courage to be open about his true self and live authentically, he returned as my closest confidant. This is what makes our co-parenting so effective.’
“The person who offered an olive branch was her,” stated Matthew Turner.
I ultimately came to embrace that offer of peace and place my faith in it. Since then, we’ve developed a deeply affectionate and positive connection. She’s become my closest confidante.
Jessica Turner mentioned that she has evolved through her divorce, uncovering her identity as an individual beyond being just a wife or mother.
“I remain as passionate, fun-loving, and driven as I was during my marriage, but since the divorce, I have discovered a new sense of autonomy, confidence, and direction,” she stated.
Many individuals who wed at a young age haven’t had the chance to truly be alone with themselves. In my marriage, I felt diminished. It’s thrilling to explore how sharing my complete self might shape the most rewarding part of this journey.
Nevertheless, Jessica Turner mentioned that she still feels the sting of being a solo parent.
The most challenging aspect of divorce involves handling tasks solo with your children and lacking someone to assist you, whether it’s washing dishes, setting limits, or sharing laughter over a child’s amusing actions,” she stated.
Being alone feels isolating. Even with a great, cooperative co-parent, it’s more lonesome than I thought it would be.
This does not imply that she will look for another long-term partner to settle down with.
The primary challenge I’ve faced is that despite engaging in extensive therapy, I haven’t encountered a date willing to commit equally to personal development or further along in their own progression. Currently, when I’m dating, I aim to find someone seeking an all-inclusive partnership. While I remain receptive to this idea, I feel quite content being alone too.
She mentioned that she’s enjoying her dating experiences and has been part of some fantastic relationships.
Her primary focus beyond her children is a book she’s authoring, entitled “I Thought It Would Be Better Than This: Rise from Disappointment, Regain Control and Rebuild a Life You Love.” Combining elements of memoir with self-help advice, this upcoming release scheduled for next spring delves deeply into transforming one’s life following a divorce.
“I always aim, whether through a Target post on Instagram or via the book, to serve women exceptionally well,” she stated.
I think that’s my calling—to do this. If sharing my journey can inspire someone else in theirs, then I want to make that happen. Seeing suffering similar to their own gives others strength.
Reach Brad Schmitt at
brad@tennessean.com
or 615-259-8384.
The article initially appeared in the Nashville Tennessean.
Her spouse revealed that they are homosexual. They went their separate ways. Today, they are motivating countless individuals as joint parents.
